O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
