i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
