You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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