After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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