He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im part way to drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
