I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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