I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
