Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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