Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
