Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
