You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
