Welp...herpes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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