a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
