I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
