I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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