I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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