great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a bag of teeth...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
