remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
