nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
