i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Two words: blizzard sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
