His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
