last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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