He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
