nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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