You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
