Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
