i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Too much gin, very little bucket
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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