I'm going to jail i love you
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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