it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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