I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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