Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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