Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
