If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
