It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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