He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
