You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
