yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
