im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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