So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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