it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
