I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
