plz talk dirty to me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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