She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
