She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
