I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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