i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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