Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
