Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
