Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
