Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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