I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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